Internetiquette – Twitter Masturbation

10 Aug


I mentioned in my post about my Twitter rules that I have a low tolerance for Twitter masturbation (continually growing lower, I’m very close to just exclusively moving to Brightkite), but I realized that I haven’t really explained what it is, why it’s annoying as hell, or given examples of the offense in action.

Here’s a reminder of what Twitter masturbation is:

Twitter masturbation is direct messaging done in public, the kind of Twitter that is only relevant to one other person, that clutters up everyone else’s Twitter feed with a meaningless, uninformative comment that could’ve been handled privately because it adds nothing to anyone’s conversation except you and that one other person.

Here’s an example of someone who uses Twitter that I might follow if it weren’t for the clutter they would bring to my feed. As someone who reads every Twitter (or tries to), I don’t follow someone who’s going to gunk up my Twitter conversation with stuff like this:

Tweet #1 – Not necessary. Direct msg the “dudette” to say thanks. Or if you want to publicly thank, use something along the lines of “@LaurelMackensie I’m now using/doing , many thanks to you!” See how now we don’t have to wonder, and maybe someone will even go check out whatever you’re now doing or using?

Tweet #2 – This might not have been Twitter masturbation if it had been phrased like so: “Does someone have a link to ? @LaurelMackensie?” (Or if Laurel is the only person who can give you the link, again, contact directly… I don’t need to read it.)

Tweet #3 – This could’ve been a great Tweet if you’d SHARED the funny video… link it and give a brief description, or use a direct message.

Tweet #4 – The only truly relevant, interesting, and useful Twitter of these five total, but I actually missed it the first time I scrolled through this person’s feed, due to all the masturbation around it.

Tweet #5 – Not really Twitter masturbation. I am sometimes guilty of Twittering that I’m hungry, even if it’s not interesting. It didn’t leave me confused, it just isn’t interesting. No one is interesting all the time, so I won’t fault this one, except to wonder why it’s aimed at one person…

The next time you think about replying publicly to one person, think about whether your dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of other followers are going to get anything at all out of what you’re about to put in all of their feeds.

Think about how many more people might follow you if you didn’t engage in Twitter masturbation, and how much more relevant your conversation would be if you refrained from creating a “what is he/she talking about?” scavenger hunt with cryptic Tweets that only benefit one person.

It isn’t an issue of “people use Twitter in different ways” in this case either, at least not in my opinion. There is a built-in feature for one-on-one communication, so wasting my time with private messages not meant for me is bad netiquette, plain and simple.

I will continue to refrain from following Twitter masturbators, because I keep my Twitter feed manageable enough to reasonably read every Twitter, and I can manageably fit two or three concise, relevant, netiquette-aware Twitter users in my feed for every sloppy over-masturbating Twitter user.

As always, this is advice, from someone who handles her internet interaction a certain way. If you want to Twitter masturbate or engage in Twitter follow-spamming, or you want to happily engage in breaking any of my personal Twitter rules, go ahead. I’m just providing insight into how I (and many others) filter out Twitter users that waste time that I (and many others) don’t have.

For me, it’s a simple bottom line: be relevant and respect of my time, because it’s the simplest thing in the world to make you disappear from my Twitterverse with a single click. That really goes for any micro-blogging service… 140 characters that just create clutter are easily swept away to make room for non-clutter.
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Internetiquette is an ongoing series of writing that contain my thoughts on internet etiquette and how to reduce your jerk footprint on the web.

  • I feel like it has to be relevant AND be clear what I'm saying. I agree with you and when people get too "@soandso yeah me too" I just stop following them.
  • Chris
    *Sigh* You're like the grandparents who try to learn how to use the "interwebs" and complain that it's not like the telephone. You're complaining about the fact that people use a function that is built in to the service in question (the @ response) just because people aren't taking the time to explain themselves in the very limited space they have so that you can be involved. For crying out loud, do you really not get it? A service comes along that allows people to shoot micro-posts back and forth across the digital network and you really expect people to follow some antiquated notion of social etiquette? Twitter isn't built for people who expect everything to be written out and explained in detail so that everyone can share and be involved like a big happy family. It's a social service, and like every other social network, people are going to publicly respond to private things, and share inside jokes with each other in an open setting. That in mind, you can either be the irritating person at the party who asks everyone to let them in on the inside jokes, or you can realize that not everything involves you, and come to terms with the fact that your Twitter feed isn't meant to be an Instant Messenger where all posts are directed at you, but rather as a window into a big social party where you can hear everyone's conversations, some of which include you, and some of which don't.
  • "You're like the grandparents who try to learn how to use the "interwebs" and complain that it's not like the telephone."

    ...Lol. And after reading your comment, I'd say you're like the young whipper snapper who is full of entitlement and doesn't get the simple concept of good manners.

    "Twitter feed isn't meant to be an Instant Messenger where all posts are directed at you, but rather as a window into a big social party where you can hear everyone's conversations, some of which include you, and some of which don't."

    And in my opinion, I shouldn't have to sift through crap with no context that has nothing to do with me and is directed at one person with no value for anyone else. Twittering at one person directly IS like using Twitter as an instant messenger, and without context for the rest of us, it's annoying. "Inside jokes" (as you mentioned some Twitters being) are for two people. It's just as idiotically annoying when two people start sharing inside jokes in public, like when you're out to dinner with several other friends who either want a quick explanation of what's going on, or they'd like the two people to save it for a private conversation (direct msg), because it's not funny or valuable to anyone but the two people taking up all the conversational space with things that aren't relevant to the whole group.

    Simple manners. Part of the problem is that Twitter allows a user to annoy their followers in this way, and part of the problem is that some people don't use simple common sense and don't truly understand ALL the features an online service provides. Twitter might allow Twitter-bation, but they also provide d msg'ing as an alternative. *shrug*
  • Dominic
    Sorry to clutter your Twitter feed. Just as I mentioned on Twitter, some days have better tweets than others. And that day was exceptionally poor. But hey, no big deal either way.
  • I work really hard on this because I use mine primarily for business stuff. I feel like it has to be relevant AND be clear what I'm saying. I agree with you and when people get too "@soandso yeah me too" I just stop following them.
  • I think you do a pretty good job most of the time. :)
  • oK WAIT, NOW i HAVE TO KNOW! Am I a twitter masturbator? Tell me! Tell me oh exalted one!

    twitter.com/pantsoff
  • Hmmm...

    *peeks through your feed*

    You're not a hardcore offender on the first page I'm looking at, but you get pretty iffy starting here:

    http://twitter.com/pantsoff/statuses/880465239

    and backward from there. ;) On the first page, if you like someone's Etsy buttons, why not give them some linkage in your Tweet? I can't look at them, but I'm reading your Tweet about them. Just a few spots I saw.
  • Good to know. Part of my problem is some people don't follow me but will start a convo with me and then I can't d message them in reply. As of two secs ago I still can't d msg people that aren't following me. Hopefully this will change soon! Plus if someone else is a hardcore offender I get pulled into their trpa of @-ing back instead of d-msging without even realizing it! :)
  • Twitter masturbation is a great name, but it seems misplaced. Although certainly masturbation can be practiced in front of someone else, it's by definition done to oneself. So, if I @myself, that would be Twitter Masturbation. Otherwise, I think it's more Twitter Exhibitionism.

    Which is not nearly as clever a name, I agree.
  • I called is masturbation more in the sense of "mutual masturbation." Two people giving each other public shout outs that only give each other that *happy* feeling and leave the rest of us wishing we didn't have to look at it. It's not a perfect term, but it works. :)
  • Is this why you are not following me :(
  • *looks at your Twitter feed*

    Yep. Examples:

    "@AronPo Get your problem figured out?"
    "@GeekMommy Goodnight!"
    "@AronPo I am still up if you need to talk, I am on Skype"
    "@AronPo What are you talking about?"
    "@trollbaby That was rather rude of you to say"
    "@iAlbert Not good, but funny :)"
    "@karlismiles What movie are you going to see?"

    Generally, if I see more than a couple like that on the first page, I'm out. Nothing personal, I just hate sifting through that stuff. I like your blog, I like the tees, I like YOU, but can't handle your feed with the masturbatings. I'm a harsh mistress of my own feed, but right now I can think of at least a half a dozen other people who are just as ruthless.
  • You know that you can hide the replies I send to others that you don't follow from showing up in the timeline with this option:

    @replies to the people I'm following: see @replies from people you follow directed toward other people that you also follow. This is the default setting.

    But who you follow is up to you. Seems that the only person from Viddler that will actually follow me is Rob. You and Colin don't like me, I understand :(
  • That's the thing - there are a lot of people who do replies in a way that I like reading, like the examples I mention in the write-up. I reply to people as well, but always try to make it clear what I'm talking about so that no one has to guess or look for the rest of the conversation, and if it isn't possibly going to interest anyone but that one person, I contact them directly. I don't want to filter out all replies on my feed, because I like reading them when I understand and get something out of them.

    Not following you on Twitter has nothing to do with whether I like you (did you read my previous comment?). I have close friends that I don't follow on Twitter. It's a matter of whether your Twitter volume fits in to the time I have to devote to Twitter. You can ultimately use Twitter in any way that you want to, but also understand that I do too, which includes a strict filter on what shows up on my feed. I get all @replies (even from people I'm not following) though, so you can still communicate with me via Twitter.
  • I was totally joking around with you about you not liking me :) I have a messed up sense of humor (read: smarta$$). I appreciate you taking the time to explain as to why you don't follow certain people, maybe one day my masturbation will quiet down so that I can become of the chosen ones :)
  • "maybe one day my masturbation will quiet down so that I can become of the chosen ones :) "

    Rock on. :) That's why I explain my reasoning, to try and sway you!

    Also, just a heads up - since Brightkite handles stuff like this WAY better, I'm much more likely to interact with you there. It's my hope that BK will someday take Twitter's place.
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